136.

"There's no way to know what makes one thing happen and not another. What leads to what. What destroys what. What causes what to flourish. Or die. Or take another course. What if I forgive myself? What if I was sorry? But if I could go back in time, I wouldn't do a single thing differently. 

What if I wanted to sleep with every single one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if all those things I did were the things that got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was? It took me years to be the woman my mother raised. It took me four years, seven months and three days to do it. Without her. After I lost myself in the wilderness of my grief, I found my own way out of the woods. And I didn't even know where I was going until I got there on the last day of my hike. Thank you, I thought over and over again, for everything the trail had taught me, and everything I couldn't yet know. 

How, in four years, I'd cross this very bridge. I'd marry a man in a spot almost visible from where I was standing. How, in nine years, that man and I would have a son named Carver, and a year later, a daughter named after my mother, Bobbi. I knew only that I didn't need to reach with my bare hands anymore. That seeing the fish beneath the surface of the water was enough. That it was everything. My life, like all lives, mysterious, irrevocable and sacred.

So very close.

So very present.

So very belonging to me.

How wild it was... to let it be."

Bird Box의 엔딩에서 이 영화를 떠올리지 않을 수가. 그 얼굴, 호흡, 내리깐 눈꺼풀, 이어진 암전마저 하나의 시퀀스라 여기게 되었던.

상하와 고저, 좌우를 가늠없이 행동하는 이들이 늘 그렇듯 이 스파이더맨의 하강 역시 상승과 동일한 이미지를 지닙니다. 그리고 이 Leap of Faith는 아프리칸 아메리칸-히스패닉인 Miles Morales에게 기존 세계의 균열로 작용할까요, 아니면 그 세계의 확장일까요? 

이미 굳은 어른인 저는 감히 침범할 수 없는, 아직 성장 중인 세계의 황홀한 불협들inharmonic partials.